Even though they are well-identified, extensively studied, and vigorously fought against, gender stereotypes remain deeply rooted in French society. In various aspects of daily life, numerous tasks and practices are still assigned to a specific gender. For example, women plan vacations while men drive the car. Women decorate the table and prepare the meal at Christmas, while men choose the drinks and shuck oysters.
As revealed by a comprehensive survey* conducted by Ifop for Zenchef in collaboration with the data-specialized agency Flashs, the restaurant outing is not exempt from these stereotypes. Whether it's a first date or an established couple, men tend to be more decisive when it comes to reserving the restaurant, settling the bill, or choosing the wine. However, this does not extend to taking care of the children...
The study involved over 1,500 French men and women who shared their views on their culinary choices (and non-choices) and highlighted certain behaviors considered inappropriate during a first date. It becomes evident that while many focus on controlling the image they project, others, with their phones in hand, are less restrained.
Finally, at the end of this article, we present the unequivocal - and gendered as well - result of the meat vs. fish battle in restaurants...
The Bill Still Skews Masculine
The question divides even within feminist circles. Opponents argue that allowing the man to pay the bill on a first restaurant date perpetuates a time when women had limited autonomy, and money was a powerful tool of male domination. Supporters see it as a way to offset persisting gender inequalities in salaries, pensions, and domestic responsibilities.
According to Ifop, the majority of French men and women (65%) believe that it's the man's responsibility to present his credit card or check at the end of the first meal. This belief is more prevalent among men (72%) than women (59%) and varies significantly based on the respondents' age and gender. Young women under 24, for instance, are the only group where the majority (40%) disagrees with the idea that the man should pay, while 60% of men in the same age group still adhere to it. In contrast, there is no debate among seniors: 90% of men over 65 believe that settling the bill is a masculine obligation.
In practice, however, while 72% of men claim to pay the bill on a first restaurant date, this is significantly lower than a decade ago when, in a previous survey by the institute, the proportion was 88%. Similar to other studies on gender dynamics, men may tend to overestimate their contribution, as less than half of women (47%) say they allow themselves to be invited in 2023 (compared to 56% in 2012), and more are inclined to share expenses (45% declare doing so compared to 22% of men).
Sharing or Dodging the Bill
Nevertheless, when the bill arrives, some behaviors can be surprising, even shocking.
- *Inviting someone and then asking them to split the bill is not a common practice, but more than 1 in 5 French people (22%, up by 5 points since 2012) have done it. Women are twice as likely as men (30% vs. 14%) to have been in this situation, and the number of women doing this has increased over the years (21% compared to 11 years ago). Some also pretend to want to pay the bill but had no intention to do so... risking that the other accepts! Sixteen percent have tried this, evenly split between genders, doubling the number of diners (8%) who choose to sneak away to the restroom, hoping to save, rather ingloriously, some money.
But before thinking about the bill, choosing the venue for the meal is crucial. In this case, men are the ones expected to propose and make reservations for 60% of the French (65% for men, 56% for women). Responses vary significantly across generations: barely half (52%) of those over 35 - and 43% of women in this age group - share this opinion, compared to 80% of those over 65.
So, while it seems established that men are still expected to choose the restaurant and bear the cost, is it considered acceptable for their guest to keep them waiting and build anticipation? No, say the French men and women overwhelmingly, with 80% rejecting the idea, a sentiment shared consistently across age groups.
The Phone Joins the Table
Now, let's move on to the course of this first date, revealing behaviors that do not align with the ideal image of a romantic tête-à-tête.
- *A sign of the times, the mobile phone now plays a central role, as more than half of French men and women (57%) have seen their partner place their phone on the table. Nearly 4 in 10 (38%) frequently check emails, messages, and other notifications. This behavior is more common among the younger generation (54% of those aged 18-24) and has a slightly more feminine than masculine connotation (42% of men observed it compared to 34% of women). In similar
Self-Image and Control
At the table, especially during a first date, the image one projects is shaped by menu choices. Noting the final cost when not paying the bill is crucial; 50% of French men and women admit to foregoing dishes or wines for this reason.
The desire to present oneself in the best light and maintain control is evenly shared between genders. For instance, 36% of both men and women avoid ordering foods that may cause discomfort, while 27% fear that selecting a rich or heavy dish signals a lack of self-discipline. Men are more inclined (20% vs. 12%) to play the gourmet by ordering a dish they may not initially desire.
More worrisome, though men claim to be more cautious about alcohol consumption (42% vs. 35% for women), 17% of them admit to ordering drinks to make their partner more uninhibited—a figure higher than the 10% of women who confess to the same.
Men Still Take the Lead… Except with Children
While the first date is significant, continuing couples still frequent restaurants, prompting questions about evolving gender stereotypes. Opening doors for women or leading them into establishments is seen as either a chivalrous act or an outdated practice.
Opinions are divided; 54% of French men and women find it normal, with 53% of men and 54% of women agreeing. Regarding the belief that men should always taste the wine, only about a third (36%) currently hold this view, with both genders sharing this sentiment.
In practice, detailed responses on couples' restaurant behaviors show that men still dominate wine decisions, with only 9% of women claiming to taste or choose it, compared to 46% and 42% for their male partners. Other practices, like reservation (51% claim both contribute equally) and influencing the partner's choice based on personal taste (endorsed by over 70% of both genders), are more evenly shared.
However, like in other aspects of daily life, women often handle children when dining out: 41% say they do it alone, 54% as much as their partner, and only 3% claim their partner primarily manages it. Men seem to overestimate their involvement; 67% believe it's a shared task, 20% acknowledge their partner handles it, and 10% claim they handle it most often.
Meat or Fish? Meat Wins!
To conclude, the IFOP questioned French men and women about their recent restaurant choices between meat and fish.
Meat overwhelmingly triumphs (63% chose it), while less than 1 in 3 respondents (29%) opted for fish. Not surprisingly, given sociological studies and women's heightened health awareness, men are more likely than women (69% vs. 56%) to order a meat-based dish. However, this generality doesn't hold for the younger generation: 78% of French women aged 18-34 say they ate meat on their last restaurant outing, surpassing their male counterparts (72%).
IFOP Study for Zenchef conducted through online self-administered surveys from May 5 to May 9, 2023, with a sample of 1,525 individuals, representative of the French population aged 18 and above.
Updated: 18/01/2024